he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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