Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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