i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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