I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
