What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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