i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
