My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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