i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
