i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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