Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
