mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
