Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
