Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
FUCK WHALES
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
