so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
