Your tits are I can't wait for
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
