I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
