maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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