handjob tips. give me some.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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