So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
