What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
