New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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