we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
