Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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