I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
