I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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