We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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