I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
