And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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