all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
