It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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