OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize