Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
