I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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