Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
