I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
