I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
