He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
