I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
