So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
