the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
