It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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