He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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