I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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