She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
