just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
