I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
