Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
