You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
