Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
