Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
