WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
