Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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