I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
