goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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