Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
