Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
