You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
