someone threw a dead crab at me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
