I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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