you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize