how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
