McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
