I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
