i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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