she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
