I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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