peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
