well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
