Barsexuality is the new black.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
