The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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