is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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