K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
