I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
