Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
