I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
