so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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