I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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