the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
