the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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