Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
