I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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