I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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