Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
