Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle

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(619): View more from California

3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?

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(702): View more from Nevada

So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?

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(702): View more from Nevada

Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win

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(204): View more from Manitoba

they're like a gay fantastic four

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me

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(815): View more from Illinois

EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!

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(513): View more from Ohio

As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.

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