He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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