She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
