I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
