I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
