fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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