she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
