Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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