Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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