I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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