the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
