I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
