I can text with my tongue
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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