I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize