Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
