I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
