What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We got so high we made milksteak
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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