im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
