cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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