i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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