Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
