I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Fuck appropriateness.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
