You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
