it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
