Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
