I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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